Crap.

 It's looking like Trump won the election. I'm not handling it well.

Things got very bad for me during Trump's last term and my mind went to the darkest plac it'd ever been, and then during Biden's presidency my mood, at times, got even worse. I'm not going to beat around the bush here, I tried to kill myself this time last year and I'm not convinced I'm strong enough to make it through four years of a Trump presidency, knowing the kinds of things he's likely to do.

I know, I know, I'm catastrophizing, but this shit sucks. Life for trans and queer people is undeniably going to get worse. I live in a state with good protections and things will probably be alright personally, but this is the kind of thing that's supposed to get better over time, damn it! Watching protections and public sentiment roll back because of some rightwing assholes is painful. It's... it's just wrong. In time I have faith things will get better but I'm a weak person and I just don't know that I have it in me to fight for what matters long enough for things to improve. I shouldn't need to be a fighter to exist.

I've got family who support me and more friends than I had a few years ago so I'll do what I can to stick around, but things are dire. The world is a scary place and it's up to us to make it better, as awful and unfair as that may sound.